Safety versus Independence

I decided to write on a subject that has been a central one recently in my dialog with my hubby. We were recently in Turkey for a week and spent most of our days at the pool. I, having a tendency to be "over-protective" of my little doll, would not let her out of my sight and insisted on her staying close all the time. My husband, who is also very cautious with her, felt that my over-awareness of all the potential dangers in our surroundings curbed her independence. It's something I've gone over alot in my mind lately. I totally get where he is coming from. It's easy to see that my being so protective with her has affected her in that she won't do most of the crazy things I see other kids doing, like jumping from freaky high places and climbing up poles and the likes. On the other hand, I feel like teaching a child to be a little cautious is not neccessarily a bad thing. Amongst some of the justifications I have come up with to make myself feel better is the fact that she is at preschool 80% of her days, where I have no doubt that she has alot more freedom to run, jump, climb and be a monkey as much as she wants. I'll also pause at this stage to note that she is extremely active - does not sit still for a second so it's possible that this issue is magnified in her case. Bottom line - finding the right combination can be tricky. I know that logically all kids grow up and in the process, fall, scrape their knees, break some bones (my sister who was a major tomboy broke quite a few....) and get over it. So I just need to keep reminding myself of this fact everytime I feel myself getting a bit too protective of my munchkin. I have no doubt that it won't get easier as she gets older, starts to date, has her heart broken, breaks some hearts, and makes good and bad decisions. It kind of makes me giggle though to think how much my outlook has changed. I used to look at crazy protective parents and think "my god, you have to loosen the grip a little." Now I look at laid back parents and I think "wow - you have to tighten the reigns a bit." So again, I will continue spending my days finding the right combination and most importantly, letting her know that no matter what, she can always come running back to me when she needs to!

Drive-by Moms

One of the major challenges to motherhood is striking the balance between remaining an individual and becoming a full-time mother. This age-old challenge seems to get harder with time. In an era where everything you need is at your fingertips and too much information becomes a norm, we allow ourselves to absorb everything thrown at us and to start to question our own instincts about our children. It's easy to tell people to trust their own intuition and then throw advice at them in the next breath, but I think that being a mother makes us forget that people are individuals not only in the approach they adapt on life, but also in the approach they adapt on parenthood. Sound simple? It is, but for some reason, we spend our time trying to justify to others why we do things in a certain way with our children, and waste precious energy on having to explain ourselves to almost anyone and everyone with each step of the way.

I first came across this trend when I was pregnant. It seemed as though being pregnant made me public property, including the fact that strangers thought it was ok to touch (and sometimes even kiss) my pregnant belly. I remember being at a friend's wedding in my sixth month, and someone actually getting upset with me for not sitting down during the ceremony. He looked at me with accusing looks the entire time – how could I stand throughout the entire ceremony, what was I doing to my unborn child? Of course, the fact that it is my body and I know my own limitations didn't matter. And if you think it'll end when you have the baby, no chance in hell - it just gets worse – they call it the "drive-by mom" phenomenon. People in the street think it is completely legitimate to give you advice on every aspect of your child's upbringing. She's cold. She's hot. She's hungry. I loved my sling and used it to take my baby everywhere. So of course I also got – is that safe? She doesn't look comfortable – even though she was sleeping snuggly as close to me as possible after being pushed out into the world from a warm and cosy womb.
My little girl is almost two now and it still carries on. Only now, people become even more judgemental as she grows up and educational issues gain more importance. It's hard and exhausting to block it out. The constant advice wears you down, though sometimes it still really takes you by surprise how a total stranger can think they know your child better than you.Giving advice is one thing but we need to learn to accept the fact that what's good for you and your child isn't necessarily set in stone and each parent finds the balance with their own child. And they don't - then giving them advice without them asking for it isn't what's going to change thier parenting habits. We all need to focus on our own children - they are the ones who need it!

"Mommy"

The word "mommy" means something different for each and every one of us. It is a universal, cross-cultural term used to describe a biological and/or social female parent of an offspring - but it's much more than that. Mother, mom, mummy, ima (in Hebrew), ma, and hundreds more, it is the most basic and fundamental concept we understand (although not always a child's first word - dada or the likes usually is, which is always a source of amusement for most mothers who spend every waking hour with their children for the first few months of their lives only to have their child look at them with huge eyes and go "dada"). For me, becoming a mother is the most wonderful experience I have ever encountered. I think to some extent I was reborn when I gave birth. I became small and vulnerable again, and let motherhood slowly reshape me. All of my previous beliefs and values were shaken to the core and refurbished. And now, all it comes down to is an almost animal-like need to love and protect my child no matter what.
So this blog is about being a mother, with everything it entails. My outlook is ninety-percent optimistic but it sometimes gets hard, especially in the world we live in where listening to the news makes you want to take your child far far away to an undiscovered island until they are in their nineties. The essence of motherhood is complex - you feel like you've been exposed in a way that leaves you tender and bruised. The dangers of the world are magnified as you see things through the eyes of a growing child, but so is the beauty and the innocence that surrounds your child with every waking moment. I feel the need to share, to let it all out, to speak about it. So for those of who have been through it already more than once, be patient - I still have a long journey to embark on.