One of the major challenges to motherhood is striking the balance between remaining an individual and becoming a full-time mother. This age-old challenge seems to get harder with time. In an era where everything you need is at your fingertips and too much information becomes a norm, we allow ourselves to absorb everything thrown at us and to start to question our own instincts about our children. It's easy to tell people to trust their own intuition and then throw advice at them in the next breath, but I think that being a mother makes us forget that people are individuals not only in the approach they adapt on life, but also in the approach they adapt on parenthood. Sound simple? It is, but for some reason, we spend our time trying to justify to others why we do things in a certain way with our children, and waste precious energy on having to explain ourselves to almost anyone and everyone with each step of the way.
I first came across this trend when I was pregnant. It seemed as though being pregnant made me public property, including the fact that strangers thought it was ok to touch (and sometimes even kiss) my pregnant belly. I remember being at a friend's wedding in my sixth month, and someone actually getting upset with me for not sitting down during the ceremony. He looked at me with accusing looks the entire time – how could I stand throughout the entire ceremony, what was I doing to my unborn child? Of course, the fact that it is my body and I know my own limitations didn't matter. And if you think it'll end when you have the baby, no chance in hell - it just gets worse – they call it the "drive-by mom" phenomenon. People in the street think it is completely legitimate to give you advice on every aspect of your child's upbringing. She's cold. She's hot. She's hungry. I loved my sling and used it to take my baby everywhere. So of course I also got – is that safe? She doesn't look comfortable – even though she was sleeping snuggly as close to me as possible after being pushed out into the world from a warm and cosy womb.
My little girl is almost two now and it still carries on. Only now, people become even more judgemental as she grows up and educational issues gain more importance. It's hard and exhausting to block it out. The constant advice wears you down, though sometimes it still really takes you by surprise how a total stranger can think they know your child better than you.Giving advice is one thing but we need to learn to accept the fact that what's good for you and your child isn't necessarily set in stone and each parent finds the balance with their own child. And they don't - then giving them advice without them asking for it isn't what's going to change thier parenting habits. We all need to focus on our own children - they are the ones who need it!
I first came across this trend when I was pregnant. It seemed as though being pregnant made me public property, including the fact that strangers thought it was ok to touch (and sometimes even kiss) my pregnant belly. I remember being at a friend's wedding in my sixth month, and someone actually getting upset with me for not sitting down during the ceremony. He looked at me with accusing looks the entire time – how could I stand throughout the entire ceremony, what was I doing to my unborn child? Of course, the fact that it is my body and I know my own limitations didn't matter. And if you think it'll end when you have the baby, no chance in hell - it just gets worse – they call it the "drive-by mom" phenomenon. People in the street think it is completely legitimate to give you advice on every aspect of your child's upbringing. She's cold. She's hot. She's hungry. I loved my sling and used it to take my baby everywhere. So of course I also got – is that safe? She doesn't look comfortable – even though she was sleeping snuggly as close to me as possible after being pushed out into the world from a warm and cosy womb.
My little girl is almost two now and it still carries on. Only now, people become even more judgemental as she grows up and educational issues gain more importance. It's hard and exhausting to block it out. The constant advice wears you down, though sometimes it still really takes you by surprise how a total stranger can think they know your child better than you.Giving advice is one thing but we need to learn to accept the fact that what's good for you and your child isn't necessarily set in stone and each parent finds the balance with their own child. And they don't - then giving them advice without them asking for it isn't what's going to change thier parenting habits. We all need to focus on our own children - they are the ones who need it!
1 comment:
So true, so mindblowingly, annoyingly, frustratingly true!
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